I resent the thought of needing someone but I feel like I needed you at that particular time in my life. Not for the relationship itself but for the sake of opening my eyes to something I did not want to become by seeing it in someone else.
When we met, you were in a similar life situation to me and by observing you, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that whilst it’s okay to hold onto a little anger and sadness in order for it to fuel things like creativity and for motivation. But only when there is balance. You can use your negative emotions to your advantage but it’s imperative that you don’t let it consume you, otherwise, you have no personality outside of things that upset you.
From you, I learned that rather than distrusting people completely, I should put all my trust into their actions. I should believe that the liar will lie, the cheater will cheat and the boy that abuses their sadness to wrap the world around their finger will do just that. Yet, I can’t be sour about it because I’ve been there. I’ve been that exact person. However, when the tables turned and I was on the receiving end, I realised exactly what I’d been doing and that it’s a choice to be that way; a conscious one. It’s an internal issue that I managed to deal with, I hope you deal with yours as well before you start a vicious circle.
However, not everything I learned from being in your company has negative roots. You taught me that being emotionally unavailable isn’t always going to protect me and if something bad in my life is going to happen then it’s going to happen regardless of what I do to prevent it, when it comes to someone else. Because I can’t control other people’s decisions but I can control how I respond to things. You taught me that the smallest things can make me happy and being overly materialistic does nothing but damage my bank account.
Thank you for your time.