I’m absolutely creasing at this post because it was written around three years ago which meant I was about eighteen or just turning eighteen and clearly, someone had really hit a nerve with me but, I still feel like it’s an important post and I stand by my words just, allow the angry undertones this post has pulsing through it. The young feminist within me was clearly fuming.
Not only am I angry that this is a thing, I’m also incredibly disappointed that people in our society still lean on this sentence as an excuse to dismiss unacceptable behaviour from the male population because, hey, boys will be boys.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how ignorant can you get?
Now, because this is a feminist post, I’m prepared to get a lot of hate but I’d like to take some of the ammunition away first.
1. I’m fully aware this is a generalisation by saying “boys” rather than “some boys” but if you know you’re not a guy like this, why would you get so offended in the first place? Don’t stand up for those you know are doing shitty things.
2. I’m all for equality of both genders, I am aware that men also get harassed etc. but I can not tell you what that feels like, being female, I do not know how reverse cat-calling is perceived.
3. A majority of this is from my own experience so don’t you go telling me I have no right to feel this way and that I should feel different. Fuck you, suck ya mum.
Can u calm down a bit plz?
Back to the topic of “boys being boys” the fact that this is a well known thing is, quite frankly, bollocks. I’ve grown up being told “don’t wear your skirt too short, boys will be tempted.” and “cover your cleavage up, you’ll distract the boys.” From a young age, I have been socialised into fearing a boys opinion of me, feeling like a boys opinion is more valued than mine, more valued than my comfort and more valued than how I feel about myself. This is ridiculous. If a little titty got you all excited in class then have a word with yourself.
As you can probably gather by now, I’m very angry and not because I don’t understand the world or the way a boys mind works but because being a boy doesn’t give you any rights that I shouldn’t have just because of what I have between my legs. Unfortunately, this is a false statement. In the eyes of many, because you’re a boy and you have urges and being “consistently frustrated” is totally normal, it’s completely acceptable and understandable for you to slap my arse without knowing my name and it’s okay for you to get unrealistically nasty because I’ve said no to sex, it’s alright for you to call me a whore for rejecting your advances because it’s only natural for a boy to see me as nothing but a hole to stick things in, right?
Oi nah, on a level, who actually had me this vexed? Own up.
I’d like to let you in on a little secret that not many people are aware of; I’m not a piece of meat that was born for no other purpose than for your pleasure and having a penis doesn’t excuse you for acting like one.
Also, dear older generation, i.e obtuse parents and teachers, by using “boys will be boys” to dismiss rude and indecent behaviour, you’re only giving them a free ticket to get away with “gentle” harassment, which, essentially, is what smacking a girls bum is. It may be harmless but that doesn’t mean it’s okay, in any way shape or form. Not at all. Regardless of whether it’s natural for a boy to be aroused by the female body or, anyone for that matter, it doesn’t make it alright for them to grope me without consent, the same way it’s natural to want sex but it’s not okay to rape someone. Rather than letting them get away with certain things because “boys will be boys” why don’t you teach them from the offset that just because there’s a twitch in their pants every time they see a little leg or an erect nipple, it doesn’t mean they need to comment or touch. Teach them that just because they have testosterone in their body, it doesn’t entitle them to lay their hands upon anyone, nor does it make it okay to make someone feel like rubbish because they didn’t conform to your wants.
Stop letting them use this shitty excuse because they’re male.
You know what upsets me most about this whole subject? No matter how many posts I write, how many videos are on YouTube and how many stories are shared across the internet and within friendship groups and counselling meetings about how wrong it is that men are allowed to get away with this because it’s expected, my five year old sister will still have to grow up in a world where she is constantly objectified and told that how being groped by strangers makes her feel doesn’t matter because boys will be boys.
If I were to write this post today, it would probably be a little more structured and informed but I actually can’t be asked and I feel like keeping my previous posts with the same energy they had when I first made them is important to me to see the growth in my writing and blog as a whole. However, I do stand by the fact that withholding the weak fall back excuse of “boys will be boys” is a very damaging mindset to enforce upon future generations and you’re a dick if you do so. Sure, it can be used as an explanation, but by no means should it be an excuse.