Pretentious Ramblings #5

It begins with a few words, often hello, then it turns to flirtatious conversing, the obvious attraction towards one another before taking the first step into a relationship. Sex is constant, conversation is easy, compliments and a reassuring tone soothes the separation anxiety. And then you reach a wall with the foundation built from pettiness, layer upon layer of red bricks labelled exhaustion, towering high and cemented with each others flaws. You realise there are issues that need to be discussed but neither of you know how to address them and so you argue because neither of you want to leave but at the same time, you cannot find a solution to your growing problems and as a result, you’ll continue breaking one another and calling it love.

After a while, you notice that you’ve had cigarettes that last longer than their promises and thus, the trust issues begin because they are constantly saying and never doing. You are trapped in stay-or-go limbo. Deciding whether you stick around and have faith in your partner because they’ll keep their word next time.

Next time.

Next time.

Or whether you should leave rather than relying on the maybe’s and the might’s and the possible, but unlikely, happy ending. Suddenly, it hits you that you fell in love with the idea of the person instead of the reality of them and you begin missing a perso character who never was and now everything your significant other does is wrong because instead of following a script they haven’t read, they’re improvising and hoping you’ll like it.

Then you leave the physical form of your soul mate because they don’t have the persona of someone that didn’t exist anywhere other than your mind, leaving you longing for the echo of something you created. And you don’t exactly regret your time spent together because it wasn’t exactly wasted but at the same time, you wish you’d just left it at that hello.

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