As I’ve gone through all of these quotes, I’ve come to the conclusion that not only me and my friends quite possibly the funniest people to ever roam the Earth, we’re also dumb.

“I forgot Mercedes don’t have indicators.”

“You go, you beautiful chair leg.”

“No weapon, no worries.”

“Free radiator, scrap metal. That’s worth about £20. That’s a couple of drinks.” “Yeah mate, we’ll just take it to the pub, try flog it for a pint.”

“Oi, nah, I predict the future.”

“Don’t fuck with the trees.”

“Captain Wet Leg.”

“Dream McLean, isn’t that the one from the Pixar movie?”

“Fuck the feds.” “Ugh, that’s an ambulance.”

“I feel like an elf.”

“Lick hummus off my nipple.”

“She’s a twat on legs.”

“I don’t know a Vicky. I know a Louise though.”

“That’s not mine!” “Whose jumper is it then?”

“That’s a nice house.” “I was gonna buy that when I was 17.”

“Beep beep ya sad bitch, I’ve got wine and profiteroles.”

“Like sucking on a tit with no milk.”

“He wasn’t talking to you.”

“That’s a big weetabix.”

“I’m trying to sell dads car. Dad doesn’t know.”

I will be doing another one of these because I have so many. I never realised just how much I’ve written down.